There’s a New Lawyer in Town – Check it Out!
“We take people at their most fragile, and set them adrift.”
No, this is not cocktail chatter between a divorce lawyer and a guest at a Christmas party. It is a line by George Clooney from his most recent film, “Up in the Air”. Mr. Clooney’s job is to fire people – he is hired to deliver this bad news by companies who are about to lay off their employees.
George Clooney could so easily be talking about where spouses and partners find themselves when they are entering the offices of a family law attorney. They can be vulnerable, raw, frightened, fragile, and feeling rudderless. Like individuals losing their jobs, people who are about to divorce or separate are facing the end of a big chapter in their lives. At the same time, they are transitioning to a new journey filled with uncertainty, anxiety and fear.
How their family law attorney handles their case can have a significant impact on whether these women and men have the experience of being “set adrift”. The lawyers can influence, define and shape the emotional climate or environment within which the divorce case proceeds. Is the other attorney viewed as merely “opposing counsel”? Is it important as part of their legal advocacy for attorneys to understand the authentic priorities and interests of their clients through careful and curious inquiry? Is what their partner or spouse wants of any importance in the discussion?
In a divorce matter, children’s emotional environment is most shaped by how their parents handle conflict and model respectful resolution. Their lawyers can provide them many cues. If the attorney approaches divorce as an adversarial process with an “us vs. them” mentality, then that is what it will become – a battle, a confrontation. As Abraham Maslow once said: “When the only tool you have is a hammer, it is tempting to treat everything as if it were a nail.”
In the December 2009 issue of the King County Bar Bulletin, a colleague and I co-authored an article entitled “The New (Decade) Lawyer”. You can read it here. In essence, we speak to the evolution of lawyers from gladiators and legal rights warriors, to conflict resolution specialists and efficient problem solvers. They choose to look at the big picture, and view effective and respectful settlement as mutual goal of both lawyers. And, clients are increasingly desirous of being active and involved partners in their cases. They expect their lawyers to be empowering, empathetic, sensitive to their true needs, and good listeners.
The days of “one size fits all” lawyering are behind us. Family law attorneys have the ability to be supportive and caring advocates to their clients in distress. Nobody needs to feel lost and adrift!
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