“The universe is made of stories, not atoms”

The title to this blog entry is an observation once made by Muriel Rukeyser, noted poet and political activist (1913-1980).

Indeed, much of who we are and what we say is framed by stories. “Wow. Let me tell you about the day I’ve had!” “Tell me about yourself.” “Why did I decide to discontinue litigation in my family law practice? Boy, that’s a long story!”  Stories give us the chance to create a narrative, share our feelings, vent, connect with our listener or take them on a journey. After all, what are books? Plays? Movies? They are vehicles by which stories are told.

When a divorce client comes into my office, they are frequently filled with anxiety, worry, anger, fear, and pain. They want to know that it is OK to share their story, but are hesitant to do so. Why is this? Well, the perception is that attorneys are not really good listeners – that they are uncomfortable in the face of emotion and conflict. So with a new client, I begin by putting them at ease and carefully creating a space – a “safe container” -  wherein it is OK for them to tell me what’s going on in their life right now. Unless specifically asked, I don’t jump in with legal theories and constructs. There will be plenty of time for that. It’s important that this person “has permission” to talk to me about their interests, worries and concerns. Only then can I build up the trust and rapport needed to guide my client on a meaningful journey to a truly authentic outcome.

In Hawaii, where I grew up, the culture of the Islands invites everyone to “talk story”. That, in a nutshell, is what it’s all about.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, May 11th, 2011 at 11:31 am and is filed under Divorce. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.