Tennessee Titans professional quarterback Vince Young recently found himself in a bit of hot water. Upset with his coach during a recent game, he angrily left the field for the locker room before the game was finished. As he headed for the tunnel, he flung some of his equipment into the stands in disgust. Essentially, Mr. Young quit on his team. An injury Young incurred during the game has required season-ending surgery.

Accounts vary as to what exactly transpired the next day. It appears, however, that the coach told Young to leave the team’s practice facility, intent on conveying to the quarterback his behavior would not be tolerated.

A couple of days later, Vince Young apologized to his coach – by text!

Really?

I have written, taught and spoken around the importance of clear, authentic communication, transparency, listening and clarity. In a parenting seminar presented  to spouses and partners enmeshed in family law matters. I emphasize the importance of emotional connection between parents and children, which includes having time with each other devoid of external distractions such as mobile devices, texting, tweeting, etc.

The best bridge to acknowledgement, accountability, apology and forgiveness is personal interaction and dialogue- preferably face to face, but at minimum on the telephone. Vince Young, unfortunately, has modeled what is becoming all to common today: avoiding having a difficult conversation person to person by hiding behind the wall of an impersonal text.

I noted with interest that Yoko Ono and her son, Sean Lennon, joined a national oral-history project. It urged people to  take time the day after Thanksgiving this year for a National Day of Listening with friends and loved ones.

Amen.

I’ll admit I’m rapidly becoming an “old timer”. Heck, I just reached a birthday milestone which allows me to gleefully assert my right to senior citizen discounts at the local multiplex.

And with age, comes wisdom. Let me explain.

There was a time many moons ago when, in the very first interview with a client I had not before met, I would spend an hour gleaning facts, information and data from this individual. Then, unabashedly, I would then expound on their purported legal rights and likely court outcome. I did not know anything about their spouse and his or her perspective on things. I had gathered no detailed financial information. I had no knowledge of the client’s children and their best interests. And most importantly, I had absolutely no clue as to the client’s authentic interests and priorities, and how they may influence their decision making regarding a durable settlement. That’s because I didn’t ask. And I didn’t listen. It seemed at the time more important to “get the facts, ma’am, just the facts”. In fact, that was the model taught in law school “back in the day”: fact gathering and issue spotting.

It is virtually impossible for a lawyer in that first interview to lay out to a new client their full legal rights and likely court outcome. So when you are doing your due diligence and interviewing family law attorneys, be skeptical of any claim or “come on” that purports to guarantee that the lawyer will be able, in that first, initial session, to explain all your legal rights and predict the probable court outcome. That simply can’t happen.

Be informed. Be wise. And ensure that the attorney you decide to engage is a good listener, and wants to know what you want.