“You know, my wife/husband/partner just want to get a little assistance here. Go over the divorce paperwork we’ve worked on. Maybe help us with some child support questions. We’d like to come in. Do you do this sort of thing?”

Many couples today want a simple, cooperative, non-confrontational way of getting legal help without taking out a second mortgage. Or, they don’t want to hire separate attorneys who may just sabotage all the hard work they’ve done in creating the framework of an agreement. “We know what we want. We’re not fighting. Let’s consult one attorney to provide us both legal advice and help with the paperwork.”

Ethically, one attorney cannot be hired  to provide legal advice and guidance to each partner in a separation or divorce. It is a conflict of interest. Yet, as things are being sorted out in a family law matter where important, often life changing choices are being made,  making an informed decision is important.  That usually means each individual getting separate, independent legal advice. That does not mean, however, that the default is retaining two attorneys who are simply going to go to their corners and come out fighting. Nor does getting independent legal advice and guidance from an attorney  mean engaging that attorney at great cost.

Many attorneys act as legal coaches for individuals who, though needing help, do not want the “full meal deal”. The attorney, in the role of legal coach, can work with their client to tailor their assistance to what the client needs. The other partner or spouse can also consult a legal coach. The end result is both individuals getting only the kind of legal help they truly require. It’s a sort of “ala carte” approach to legal assistance.

Occasionally, it is only one partner or spouse who decides they need legal help. Yet often both people would like to meet together to review documents the attorney has drafted, negotiate unresolved matters, etc. If I am assisting one individual as their legal coach, I have no problem meeting with my client and the other partner – together. In this context, I carefully define and  explain to the unrepresented person, in writing,  my role, while at the same time ensuring they understand their right to have independent legal advice.

If you are interested in finding attorneys who are supportive of individuals working things out cooperatively and may be able to serve in a legal coaching role, you can go to the King County Collaborative Law website: http://www.kingcountycollab.org. Click on “Find a Professional”. In the drop down list, click on “Professionals For Divorce And Family Law Cases”, then click on “Attorneys”. All of the lawyers listed here are fully supportive of spouses and partners reaching mutually cooperative agreements.  Many of them have a legal coach “niche” as part of their overall legal practice.

It is possible to navigate the family law waters safely and in a non-adversarial atmosphere. You just need to know where to turn!

I have found the on-going National Football League labor talks absolutely fascinating. The fits and stops and starts that have accompanied efforts by owners and players to resolve their differences play out like a soap opera. In previous blogs I have commented on this negotiation process.

There was an important hearing on June 3. With the possibility that the judge’s pending ruling may be none too pleasing for both sides, talks have gotten serious. Over the last several days, intense negotiations have been occurring in a secret location between the players’ representative, DeMaurice Smith, and various owners along with the NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell. Most notably, these sessions have occurred without the presence of the attorneys for both sides. Significant progress was being made. By Tuesday, June 14,  it was decided that the attorneys should return to help address and  iron out the complex details of a possible resolution.

BAM! According to an ESPN.com report, things immediately went sideways – to the point where Mr. Smith apparently had to instruct  his attorneys to “stand down” – in short, leave the room. At that point, with the attorneys in absentia, it appears discussions calmed down and returned to their former productive ways. It was made clear in the report that at some point the attorneys will need to re-enter the picture to place any agreement into appropriate binding legalese.

So, what does this tell us? It tells us this: your attorney is your employee, not the other way around.

It is often a profound struggle for attorneys to “lead from behind” – to get out of their own way and empower their clients to make informed choices and decisions. It is practically in a lawyer’s DNA to be in charge – to direct the drama, control the agenda, and dictate the outcome.

I teach a course at Seattle University School of Law called: “Client Counseling & Negotiation”. I teach my students that lawyers are most effective when they serve the role of “Counselors at Law”. This means working in effect as a team with their clients for the purpose of helping them reach resolutions that address their authentic needs and interests, with the recognition that a durable agreement needs to address the interests of both sides.

If you are on a journey through a divorce or other family law matter, remember: you are in charge. It is your life and your resolution. Make sure you choose an attorney who truly listens to you and helps you discover and understand your priorities, needs and concerns – and then works with you to help your reach a satisfactory resolution that meets those needs.